Just finished "Ein Zwerg In Thule". Great book actually. I guess I have to apologize to Eisenberg. All this hate grew out of ignorance. His prose is like a salmon swimming against the stream to the river's source. Full with bitterness and melancholy, yet filled with pride and strength. One never reads a book without inner personal feelings. One never imagine what the author means, one can only pick out little bits which fit to one's own personality. Through this book I learned a little more of what links me to Taciturne. I am more and more convinced we are one and the same person... I guess only Johanna would understand that.

Just signed my first letter as Léontin Voigt-Abilgaard. It is strange how automatically I did that, like if I ever was Léontin... or wasn't I ?

TODAY IS AN IMPORTANT DAY.

I just woke up from a dream. Léontin appeared in that dream and told me I had to fulfill his mission. I know this sounds stupid... this dream might be just the result of my inner frustrations. So what. There is no reality anyway...

From now on I am and will forever remain "Léontin Voigt-Abilgaard".

I just read a quite interesting chapter in Eisenberg's "Ein Zwerg In Thule". Rudolf-Karl writes that the leaders of our times are only at home in their graves. I agree with that. The only good king is a dead one. Taciturne is a king. He died for our sins. He died for us.

It is only when somebody is gone that you realise how great he was.

Léontin is a tree. A tree with strong roots. A tree with wide spread leaves...

Once again a new mail from Thy Mega Therion :

"YOU bitch. YOU cunt. YOU whore. YOU fuck. YOU little common F-U-C-K. I masturbate while looking at YOUR fucked up pictures of your fucking gallery. YOU are so fucking common. I'll fucking nail YOU. I'll stab YOU. Then I'll eat YOUR cunt, bitch. Whore ! CUNT ! STUPID FUCK..."

...and so on... Sounds intelligent, huh ?

Thinking about Taciturne's strange attraction towards occult neo-nazi organisations, like Gigabrother or the Austrian Stormfront. I think that Léontin was kind of bored with his surroundings, he had the urge to hit where it hurts. I remember him once running raving mad through a goth party screaming like hell some passages of Eisenberg's book "Ein Zwerg In Thule" (wondering when Advertant Press will do that one ? I actually read only excerpts, but it convinced me of its highly offensive "völkisch" content). He got involved in a fight with the security staff and ended up on the backstreet among the waste. One thing's for sure, when he got back from Austria, he was a broken man. This is when the Gigabrother crew got aware of him. He was never to be seen again...

Planing to add my longtime label project to this site. I just have to think of some name actually ! Thought about 777 Records (my fetish number!) or Plastic Roses... Misery Distribution... True Forces Of Thee Underground... then I went to my favorite cemetary and lay down on the grave of an unknown man to get some inspiration. It is somehow strange that in so called morbid places you don't have morbid ideas. I realised that I just got there to get some peace and dead people are actually peaceful. This theory was so wise and that simple that it was to me like some prophecy : I had to find a wise but simple name. Nullerecords ! This is it...

And I already have an idea of some compilation being the first Nullerecord ever. Fortunately I still have some unreleased tracks of Taciturne (tracks he wrote for my little person, but I don't think I deserve them... really! I will spread them like a new disease, a new ideology Léontin died for. The world must know !). I will also add some of my tracks I did, well, with that dildo Lamasse. But it was me who actually did all the work !!! I tell you that, for I know that those godless bastards will say that I did not make these tracks. FUCK THEM... the truth always wins.

I had many feedbacks for this site already... I am happy to know that no one forgot what happened two years ago ! Still got more threats from a person called Thy Mega Therion... Erik, it ain't funny !!!

There's nothing to say on days like these...

The original title for the 6th track "Krankheit" ("Disease", which is actually the title of the used poem by Hermann Hesse) hits the nail right in the head. This song is no more grief nor sorrow, it is pure disease-like pain. I do not know what motivated Léontin to change it into "Gruftparty im Keller mit Hermann" ("Goth Party in the cave with Hermann"). All I know is that on this night, two years ago from now, he went to a Goth party at the Caves Des Gentilles Carcasses with P-pooh. I also saw him there and he told me that just an hour ago he made a track I'll probably like. He was quite normal that night and his fatal plans did not transpire. He and Pooh drank a lot. They argued with what they called the Schlurps (mainly weekend goths with inverted crosses who do role playing games and listen to VARULF or DER HEGEL). I guess I must have ended up pretty badly that night, for I had kind of an alcoholic blackout... well a quite normal party !

Two years ago Léontin did the fifth track of "Die Letzten Sieben Tage Des Taciturne", which in my opinion is the most comforted track in the omnipresent grief of the album. I wonder what he felt at that moment. I guess that day he felt quite comfortable in his chosen fatality. Listening to this song again and again, I can imagine him, standing at the window of his flat, looking towards the sky, waiting for that last journey, that final relief. Like Mishima he had nothing to fear about and nothing to feel sorry for. I heard him say quite often : "Hey Sam, I am already dead. I have nothing to fear !" or I remeber a fight we had once about the world's end and he constantly repeated "The Apocalypse is passé. Look around, all you see is Armageddon everywhere. All living sums up to that fear of death, that waiting for some catastrophy, which never seems to take place. What is this, if not already DEATH ?". In a way I think that the fifth track can be compared to that moment when during Seppuku the knife entered the flesh, when there is no more turning back, when only fatality is a helping hand towards the bitter end.

In contrast we have the grief of the first track and even deeper grief of the second one. Then again some poppy comfort shaken with a bit of humour and the fourth day finally it all looks like some funny joke. This severe cocktail of heavy uncontrolled emotions seems only to get honest on the fifth day, which is quite obvious even in the letters : the first few are mostly serious and academic attempts to change the things. It is only since letter number five that integrity is part of the game and that the writer realised the futility of such naive accusations.

I guess he must have suffered a lot during that week. But one thing's for sure he must have slept like a baby the fifth night...

Kind of a bad day. Actually I ate too much Ramen.

Yesterday I got some life threat junkmail (probably from that Moonchild Erik pinhead) telling me that my site is "utterly vulgar". So, HDG if you are out there somewhere, show me you got the balls to speak to me !